Days 1-4 - 40 day detox
Day 1 & 2 were easy... I was not feeling well (cold not a hangover) and slept and just hung out. Then Day 3.... actually now that it is over I realize it wasn't that bad. I couldn't sleep at all and came downstairs at 1:00 a.m. and while I wanted to pour a scotch or a vodka on rocks while I read my book, I refrained.
How did I get through it?
I put on my favorite guided meditation and felt the peace, the calmness that I was desiring. Still didn't get to sleep but I held my own!
Today though... this day that left me feeling oh so tired... and on the computer all day catching up on bills, making arrangements and scheduling the next few months... well it would of been a perfect time to pour a glass of wine while I did the mundane and just enjoy a little garnet colored liquid. A glass of wine to give me the courage and strength to actually start this thread of the blog, to start on this path, to take the action on the intention I set a few days ago.
So I didn't cave, I have water next to me... a headache (still getting over the head cold)... sore shoulders because of all the sitting and a huge gigantic desire to relax... to stop my head from thinking but there is a matching desire to start sharing all that has been perculating for the last few years.
And there it is - the reason I checkout...
I want both, I want to stop my brain from thinking but I also want to keep learning and growing. The tension of wanting to just be and live in the moment is so intoxicating... but just as intoxicating is my desire to step out on that self-imposed cliff and share my journey, my insights and to put myself out there. At times this makes me feel stuck.
It's comfortable where I am at but I know that is not what I truly want. I want growth, I want to keep learning and growing and I want to inspire others to do the same. Ding Ding Ding - in reality it is not really comfortable just sitting back because that is when I feel the least like myself.
I need to be out there, I have a desire to help others by sharing my failures, my weaknesses, my deepest desires and to share my success, my strengths and my realized dreams.
My deepest desire, I aspire to inspire others.
My deepest fear is that I will fail....
And now that the thoughts are running I start wondering, how I am getting through tonight without a drink in my hand? It's a continual circle of thoughts and desires and limiting beliefs.
Tonight is different thought, I feel it. I know that because I have found 2 things I know I can turn to to feel the same release a glass of wine would give in a moment of truth like this, a moment where I am just beginning to share, that I can get through it. The two things?
1) Meditation... I have a 30 min one I love.
2) Tapping... I am now getting into what is called the tapping solution... it gives me a tool to identify, to self coach myself, to find out what I am truly feeling. To identify the emotion I am feeling deep down.
Here's to a successful 4 days of detox!