Day 13 detox - Rewards can be tempting.
I started off the day feeling great. No cravings. In fact I was feeling as if I could actually have one drink this weekend and keep it to one drink. At this point I was feeling strong enough to resist the urge for a glass of wine when I was stressed, emotional or tired. I was thinking I could have a drink this weekend with dinner, for the pleasure, for the taste. As long as I wasn't doing it for the WRONG reasons. That's the freaking point right?
As I drew closer to the "bewitching" hour of 5:00 I started devising our plan for soccer practice. Today it was my son's practice from 7:15 - 9:00pm with 25 min travel time before and after. So I started wondering what was I going to do? Shopping was out, didn't have any errands, too cold to sit and read, study or meditate in car, so now what? In the past I would have gone to a local restaurant, ordered a glass of wine and possibly read or journaled or something zen like that and I started thinking that could handle that... AND THEN THE CRAVING CAME BACK IN FULL.
Ugh... I started reasoning with myself - YES I could just have one glass - NO I could have a side salad and an iced tea instead - YES I could celebrate the journey so far with one glass - YES I can do this, I am ready - NO I could have a decaf latte and relax - OH SCREW IT... I could feel in my soul that I wasn't ready but the little devil on the shoulder was trying to convince me otherwise..... I wanted to figure out why but first I HAD TO GET THROUGH IT!!!!
Before I set out I tried to devise a plan... I was determined to make it but I was failing to find something that I truly wanted to do more... as we started to drive I could feel I was on shakey ground and was still reasoning with myself that I was ready.... and then.....
EUREKA- I passed by this place called Happy Feet. I had it... that was my plan. I dropped my son off at his practice, drove to my new happy place and treated myself to a 30 min chair massage and 30 min foot reflexology. Oh this was definitely a nice way to overcome that craving, to reward myself with something good but not liquid and red in color!
So why did I almost fail??? I use it as a REWARD. I initially thought it was boredom but I really don't have that much time to be bored, there is always something to do and learn. However my propensity to "reward" myself with wine... well that is huge. So I clearly have more work to do.
This self- leadership journey is about staying true to my integrity, leading by example and coming up with at process that works for me. As obstacles get in my way I have to navigate my way through to have the success I desire. Above all I have to take responsibility for my actions that will generate my results! That is definitely learning to lead from within.
Cheers to 2 weeks ;) and uncovering why I even need to have a reward because I am already living the life I choose and that should be reward enough..... hmmmmm