Day 6 - 40 day detox
What is today????? 6 days...... arghhhhhh I know I am supposed to look at the positive, but really this isn't all that fun. I mean I haven't caved but this headache is annoying and along with this I haven't been sleeping either so last night my husband said to me "take an ambien." Not even sure that is how it is spelled. Never have taken one and he assured me I would wake up and be refreshed and not tired like an Advil or Tylenol PM makes me. Well I woke up and felt drugged. It took loads of tea, half a yoga dvd and rushing around to get ready for an appointment before I didn't feel the affects anymore.
It's hard to stop thinking that a glass of wine would have helped me settle and turn my mind off more effectively, and this actually might be true, if I just had one glass of wine.
It's not that I can't stop drinking (denial) it's that once I have a glass my will power goes down and my reasoning skills seem to go way up. You know the skills that "reason" why it's okay to have one more glass. Anyway my determination won out and I am still 6 days without any alcohol.
This all begs the question - WHY?
I am asking myself the same question - WHY?
I realized that I was doing things by sure habit and not because I was consciously making the decision to do so. I noticed when there was a lot of emotion in the house (I won't even go there with all that the 4 of us have on our plates) that I open a bottle of wine because "I deserve it". When someone comes over it's a natural thing to share a glass. When I go out to social events its natural to share a glass (let's be clear - there is not a lot of "sharing"). When I take a hot bath I open a bottle to add to the relaxation. You get it.
None of these things are bad or inappropriate. The problem is I was doing it without thought, need or even at times a desire. I needed to break the cycle; I needed to wake up and really become present to the emotion that I was ignoring at the time. I wanted/want to lead myself to find out what I am not dealing with, where I am staying stuck.
With my clients I coach I help them get unstuck all the time, in their life and their business. I help them find the reasons why and create the action steps to move forward. After one of my last coaching sessions of 2014 with one of my clients I realized that they had been able to move through some obstacles and change some habits throughout this past year. As I reflected I realized that I had been running on auto-pilot myself in a few areas of my life. I immediately felt a tremendous desire to take responsibility for all my habits and actions - the good, the bad and the ugly.
You see I want to excel, I want to be the person that I'm meant to be. I can't do this by doing what is socially acceptable, it's time for me to be me 100%. I have to do this by being honest, finding my own way, my own truth and living out my own purpose. I have to do this by taking responsibility for ALL my actions, not just the ones that I want to admit to.
